Things I’ve learned about grief

My partner, Andrew Bell, died of cancer in October of 2015. Here are some observations:

1. You don’t stop loving someone just because they are dead. (This may be a very surreal experience.)
2. You may be surprised at who is there for you and who backs away from you.
3. The feelings and challenges may come in waves and may sometimes hit you unpredictably.
4. Some people will say amazingly unhelpful things.
5. Grief can be a physical experience.
6. The deep reality of the finality of the loss may hit you later than you think.
7. Your mind may struggle to “fix “what can’t be fixed. These persistent thoughts may be hard to stop.
8. While grief changes over time, it may be with you for the rest of your life.

(Note: I didn’t learn this last point from the death of my partner – I learned this from the death of Jerry Garcia. I am still not over his death (I run the gamut of emotions: sadness, disbelief, feeling cheated) – and Jerry died over 20 years ago – and I didn’t know him personally.)