My partner, Andrew Bell, died of cancer in October of 2015. Here are some observations:
- You don’t stop loving someone just because they are dead. (This may be a very surreal experience.)
- You may be surprised at who is there for you and who backs away from you.
- The feelings and challenges may come in waves and may sometimes hit you unpredictably.
- Some people will say amazingly unhelpful things.
- Grief can be a physical experience.
- The deep reality of the finality of the loss may hit you later than you think.
- Your mind may struggle to “fix “what can’t be fixed. These persistent thoughts may be hard to stop.
- While grief changes over time, it may be with you for the rest of your life.
(Note: I didn’t learn this last point from the death of my partner – I learned this from the death of Jerry Garcia. I am still not over his death (I run the gamut of emotions: sadness, disbelief, feeling cheated) – and Jerry died over 20 years ago – and I didn’t know him personally.)